Cutting your losses...

It's hard to let go of something you've pursued for the last 10 months.  Something that you've followed up with, sent countless emails, called them, only to have the position "indefinitely on hold" due to higher ed budget cuts.  The thing is, I'm not mad the position is "on hold," I'm mad that the office continued to keep me in the dark about the progress of the position, and chose not to disclose the goings-on unless I hounded them about it. 

It's hard to be mature about things when you've felt slighted for the 10 months you've lived in this new place.  I went from being a big fish in a small pond. Loads of connections and a lot of creative freedom to do the things I loved.  Um hello, pity party, party of one?

It's hard to be unaffected by the consistent stream of "no."

The up side in all of this?  I continue to run.  I received an email from the Pittsburgh Marathon asking runners to share their story.  After all, all runners have a story.  So I submitted mine.  In 497 words, I described what running was to me. 

Who knows if it will be published, but I described running as my coping mechanism.  That thing I do for me.  Stressed out?  Run.  Need to stew over an idea?  Run.  Feelin' good for a change?  Run!

On Sunday I ran 10 miles.  T.E.N.  M.I.L.E.S!! Which it totally awesome because I'm running the Cleveland 10 Miler on the 23rd.  In the two hours it took me to run, I actually felt really good.  Proud of myself.  Worth something.  That somehow I proved I had value.  Value to whom?  No clue.  But that somehow what I was doing was good.